The Story of Lucky Dukes

Growin' up in Vega$ with my daddy was the best part of my life. He taught me everything I needed to know in order to get by in this crazy town. Daddy was the best Elvis impersonator in $in City. When I was little, he used to spike my milk with bourbon and taught me how to gamble. He was the King of my world. Then, one night, God took my daddy from me.

So I did what my daddy did when he was sad, I went drinkin'. I hit the Tropicana and filled my belly with rum and cokes 'til those bright colored lights and all the pain just faded right away. I think that's when Trixi found me. I was passed out under the table and I woke up to the sweetest smile I had ever seen. I told her about my daddy and how I hated God along with his fuckin' fan club. She told me that she had the answer to all my troubles. And I knew, somehow, that she was right.

So, we went to this garage on the outskirts of town and that's when I met the man who would change my life...forever. He was standing there, next to this beautiful hot rod. A '57 Chrysler Diablo with a hopped up six-banger, a double glass pak and black sparkle finish with a flame job, to be exact. 'Great car!', I said. 'You'll look great behind the wheel of this little honey.', he replied. 'So...what's the catch?' I asked suspiciously. He held out his hand. 'I'm Billy...Billy Belial, and there's no catch, really.' I shook his hand and sauntered over to the car. 'So, what do I hafta' do? Kick your ass at poker? Give you a hummer or what?' He smiled and shook his head. 'First off, I'm shit at poker and second...what the fuck is a hummer? Look, just give me your soul and we'll call it even.'

Well, this was the best hand I'd ever been dealt and I decided to up the ante. 'Well, that's all fine and good...but I reckon that a soul is everlasting and this car...isn't. So what are you willing to throw in to sweeten the deal?' 'Hmm, you are a hard one...how's about super human strength?' 'Yeah...ok. Toss in eternal life and we'll call it a deal.' He sighed and nodded reluctantly. 'You got it, honey.' He then pulled her close and inhaled a stream of light that beamed from her chest. 'That's it?!', I exclaimed. You know, I expected some fire and smoke and shit.' 'Yup. Here's the keys honey.' He smiled and belched a small puff of smoke.

So I hopped into that hot rod and me and Trixi headed out into that starry Vega$ night. And from that day forth, I decided that I would return one day with an army of hot rods to take over this gleaming city, where I would rule as the Queen of Vega$ with the memory of my daddy to rule by my side.